This won’t be a late-breaking bulletin for most of you but… comics are kinda tantalizing! It wasn’t always this way, but the notion of comics as a reference point for finding oneself goes way beyond the renderings of perfect bodies seen in comics after the ’80s. That said, it’s taken a long time for the medium to grow past the restrictions of those who’ve tried to deride it as an infantile medium. Many factors, both outside and inside the industry impeded comics’ ability to ably and frankly discuss issues that were more grown-up. For decades comic books were written off as disposable entertainment for children (despite their popularity among infantrymen in World War II).
Then in 1954 Dr Frederick Wertham’s infamous Seduction of the Innocent accused comics of corrupting the easily minds of children in postwar America. Though this led to a period of repressed sanitation that lasted decades in the form of The Comics Code, it did little to prevent frustrated adolescents from projecting their emerging preferences onto their favorite comic book characters. Whatever you were into, chances are there was a comic book character to gratify it. Let’s take a VERY tongue-in-cheek look at some oft held but seldom admitted comic fetishes…
15. GETTING TANGLED IN POISON IVY’S VINES
The sight of Poison Ivy is like nectar to a bee for dendrophiles (people who really like trees), people who have a lascivious attraction to plants, trees and soil and, of course, anyone who has a thing for redheads. Her portrayal by the statuesque Uma Thurman probably helped some. Seriously, for a supposed family film Batman and Robin had a lot of plant based vaginal euphemisms.
Perhaps it’s her buxom figure, her passion for environmentalism or her inherent sense of danger, there’s something undeniably appealing about this nasty nymph. Despite her hatred of all mankind, she’s demonstrated time and again that she’s not above using her seductive feminine wiles to get what she wants. Whether her vines have a crush on them or not, there are a lot of people with a big crush on her.
14. HAVING A WILD NIGHT WITH TONY STARK
We’re sure there are a lot of women (and men) who’d be aroused by the prospect of a handsome, powerful, erudite, slightly eccentric billionaire with a penchant for partying. While they’d likely fantasize about spending a wild night with Tony Stark, fewer people would admit to being turned on by some of the more esoteric parts of Mr Stark’s lifestyle. Technophiles are those with an attraction to technology, and if Stark’s wry wit and chiseled physique didn’t do it for them, his futuristic workshop would have them breathing heavily within seconds.
Whether it’s the thought of rolling round on a pile of money in his Malibu home or clanging around in the Iron Man armor there are plenty of reasons why Tony is the subject of many a fetish… Just so long as you can wash the Tony Stank off the morning after.
13. GETTING WRAPPED UP IN WONDER WOMAN’S GOLDEN LASSO
Unlike many comic book characters who had fetishism projected on them, Wonder Woman had a carnal fantasy baked into her perfectly sculpted clay form since her inception. To say that Professor William Moulton Marston was progressive would be an understatement, given that he was in a polyamorous relationship with his wife Elizabeth Holloway Marston and Olive Byrne in an aggressively heteronormative time. Both of these women had a substantial role in the creation of Wonder Woman, who is both an icon of female empowerment and the ultimate icon for those into bondage and submission.
The fact that DC have recently confirmed that Wonder Woman identifies as ‘queer’ (though it would be absurd to assume that she spent centuries on an island full of women and never have a loving relationship) has demonstrated that Diana is ahead of the curve when it comes to representation of gender and orientation identity in comics.
12. PLUGGING IN WITH CYBORG
Vic Stone was a handsome dude before the exposure to a Mother Box that made him the Cyborg, and hey who doesn’t have a thing for quarterbacks? But it’s mechanophiles (those who are attracted to machines and robots) who’ll get the most out of seeing if they’re compatible with Cyborg’s various outputs. Most mechanophiles find themselves attracted to their cars, motorbikes and even their vacuum cleaners (with predictable results). Of course none of those appliances has a chassis like Vic.
At a push we’d say those with a penchant for acrotomophilia (attraction to amputees and prosthetics) would probably have a field day with Vic too since he’s more prosthesis than man. If you fantasize about a paramour that’s all man while somehow being mostly machine then you could do a lot worse than Vic Stone.
11. GETTING A LOVEBITE FROM MORBIUS
Vampires have been the object of libidinous curiosity long before they were de-fanged by the Twilight saga. Some people are motivated by hematolagnia (arousal from the sight of or act of drinking blood), while others are attracted to vampires themselves we think fetishistic comic enthusiasts would get more out of Morbius than the self-hating daywalker, Blade. Plus, while Blade may be objectively hunkier, Morbius has the whole vampire look down with his long flowing hair, ivory skin, glowing red eyes and protruding fangs.
As a scientifically manufactured vampire he has none of the supernatural weaknesses that traditional vampires have (so you could take him for a nice Italian meal without worrying about the garlic), though he does share the typical aversion to sunlight… So, best that you do your business then get him back by daybreak.
10. GETTING CUFFED BY MISTY KNIGHT
There’s always something about a woman in uniform but although she hasn’t been a beat cop in a long time, Misty’s unassailable swagger and badass demeanor make her someone that very few people would object to being cuffed by. A cybernetically enhanced(that’s one for you acrotomophiles) black cop with butt kicking martial arts skills, she’s an amalgam of pretty much every Pam Grier character from the ’70s blaxploitation craze and a model of female empowerment.
She’s also street smart, acid tongued and acerbic but with a heart of gold and a strong moral compass. What about that isn’t food for fantasies? The fact that she’s played by the incredibly beautiful and talented Simone Missick can’t hurt either. Lock us up and throw away the key, officer!
9. FALLING VICTIM TO STACY X’S PHEROMONES
While there are many foxy provocateurs in the Marvel universe, they don’t come much more foxy or provocative than the mutant Miranda Leevald aka Stacy X. While her skimpy leather attire is clearly suited to any guy or gal with dominatrix based desires what makes her literally irresistible is her ability to use pheromones to control others. She can bring her suitors (or enemies) to orgasm or cause them to heave their guts up, just by exuding the right pheromones.
Those of a submissive disposition will likely find a partner with this level of somatic control over their body intensely arousing. Unfortunately, those with herpetophilia (attraction to lizards) can no longer get a kick out of her scaly skin as she lost it prior to joining the New Warriors.
8. JOINING THE MILE HIGH CLUB WITH SUPERMAN
There’s something appealing about shy guys. While the big blue boy scout was never going to be the next Christian Gray, the fact that he’s fathered at least one child (in current canon anyway) shows that his blue tights come off at night just like anyone else’s. Many people fantasize about joining the mile high club for the adrenaline rush of getting it on 25,000 feet above sea level, but consign themselves to the awkward reality of doing it in a cramped, smelly airplane toilet.
Many comic book readers have fantasized about an aerial tryst with the Man of Steel though given the fact that the temperature at 25,000 feet drops to around -30 degrees… I dunno, you might want to pack a coat or something.
7. GETTING XENOPHILIC WITH STARFIRE
Yes folks, xenophillia is a thing. It typically refers to an attraction to peoples and cultures alien to our own. Xenophiles are typically attracted to different races and nationalities but for many the thought of getting it on with an alien species is, indeed, the final frontier… And aliens don’t come much more seductive than the Tamaran Titan Starfire. With her supple orange skin, shimmering emerald eyes and infinite legs she could easily quit superheroics in favor of modelling and make a fortune.
But we can’t deny that there’s something extremely appealing about her winsome personality and nurturing altruism. She’s the kind of girl many of us would like to take home to meet our Moms… Though many may require a small step ladder to kiss her.
6. GETTING PHREAKY WITH PHOENIX
For decades Jean Grey was the goodie-two-shoes girl next door of comics. She was a nice girl with a nice boyfriend who was nice. While she had a pivotal role in the X-Men she… bless her cotton socks, she wasn’t all that interesting. Then Chris Claremont, John Byrne and the Phoenix saga came along and not only did she get interesting, she got hot! Looking back on it now, there’s no question that the Phoenix saga was a metaphor for carnal awakening. The character was never the same after.
Not only did she start dressing a lot more provocatively but she started being much more assertive in her actions and interactions with other characters. Those with a thing for powerful, assertive women with a big ol’ hint of danger will likely have dark fantasies about the Dark Phoenix.
5. SEEING JUST HOW FLEXIBLE MISTER FANTASTIC CAN BE
Let’s be honest here folks, jokes about stretching powers are as old as comics themselves, but who can deny the austere paternal charm of Reed Richards? His conservative good looks and distinguished grey temples lend him a charm that’s absent in many of Marvel’s younger hunks. The Freudian implications on why anyone with Daddy issues might be attracted to Marvel’s quintessential patriarch are obvious, Mister Fantastic’s famous flexibility is also a USP for erotically curious readers.
Those with contortionist fetishes will no doubt get flustered by Reed’s various superhuman anamorphoses. On the other hand, those with smoking fetishes will get hot under the collar reading those early issues in which Reed was quite often seen smoking a pipe. Whatever your pervy poison, the big daddy of Marvel’s first family has something to offer.
4. GETTING YOUR CLAWS INTO CATWOMAN
Selina Kyle was DC’s premier femme fatale even before Frank Miller gave her a much more explicitly eroticized origin as a dominatrix and working girl in 1987’s “Batman Year One”. A product of the ’40s her seductive look and demeanor were clearly based on such screen bombshells as Hedy Lamarr, Rita Hayworth and Elizabeth Taylor but it wasn’t until the ’60s TV show that the character’s seductive nature came to the fore.
Portrayed alternately by the statuesque Julie Newmar, the pert Lee Merriweather and the sultry Eartha Kitt Catwoman was one of comics’ raciest icons. Michelle Pfeiffer’s black vinyl suit (which was so tight she was vacuum sealed into it) was the stuff of pubescent fantasies for all ’90s kids while Anne Hathaway’s actually channeled Hedy Lamarr in her sultry, breathless delivery. Very few characters have ‘provocative’ written right through them like Catwoman!
3. GROUP ACTION WITH DOCTOR MANHATTAN
One of the few good things about having your intrinsic field removed and rebuilding your body again atom by atom is that you can make substantial improvements with your newfound God-like powers. Thus, it’s no surprise that Dr. Jon Osterman rebuilt his glowing blue chassis with rippling muscles, a body fat ratio that most men can only dream of and (of course) a great big blue dong.
For all his near omnipotence, however, he’s still something of a novice when it comes to relationships. In an effort to spice things up with partner Silk Specter, Watchmen sees the good doctor pleasuring her with multiple clones of himself. While Laurie doesn’t take too kindly to this, there are certainly a lot of greedy girls and guys who would relish this treatment.
2. SLIDING DOWN THE BAT POLE AS ROBIN
While the teen wonder has been a heartthrob among young girls for decades (upon which Burt Ward was quick to capitalize), he has more importantly been an important icon of identification for young gay men at a time when fair and accurate representation for gay characters in popular media was a pipe dream. Denied the remotest possibility of positive or proportional representation, gay teens projected themselves into the role of Robin and fantasized about a nurturing relationship with the older and more worldly Batman.
In an age where young gay characters like Wiccan and Hulkling are cherished by both gay and straight readers alike, it’s harder to understand just how big a part Robin played in helping readers identify and come to terms with their orientation in a less than supportive environment. Plus, who doesn’t love pixie boots?
1. GETTING SOME MAD LOVE FROM HARLEY QUINN
Due in no small part to the sterling performance of Aussie bombshell Margot Robbie, Harley Quinn has become an unwitting icon of sensuality for young women. While the ‘male gaze’ in last year’s Suicide Squad is occasionally problematic few can deny how effortlessly gorgeous Robbie is in the role. The Joker / Harley dynamic in the film is far more wholesome and reciprocal than it is in the comics and has spawned terabytes of erotically charged fan fiction among hormonal viewers.
Harley’s eroticism is not unique to the movie, nor even to the scantily clad version of the character seen in the Arkham games. Let’s not forget that both the “Mad Love” comic and animated series episode feature Harley in a negligee inviting Joker to ‘rev his Harley’. For better or for worse, it doesn’t look as though the current wave of Harley fetishism is going anywhere soon.
Did we miss something that should be on this list? Let us know in the comments!
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