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Blight Wedding: The 15 NUTTIEST Nuptials In Comics

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Blight Wedding: The 15 NUTTIEST Nuptials In Comics

Wedding bells are ringing in the DC Universe! Batman #24 made huge waves when The Dark Knight surprised everyone by proposing to longtime pseudo-girlfriend Catwoman. The two have had one hell of a storied relationship, but recent stories are hinting at a Batman trying to make a better life for himself. And what better way to do that than to get hitched to the woman you’ve been chasing (mostly along rooftops) for 80 years? There’s no date set, and of course, any number of things can happen, but if comics history is any indication the wedding won’t be going smoothly.

RELATED: The 15 STEAMIEST Superhero Romances

See, much like in professional wrestling, superhero weddings almost always go awry. Sure, you get the odd successful one. Luke Cage and Jessica Jones had a pretty peaceful wedding, as did Apollo and Midnighter. But in the name of drama, high adventure or even just Golden Age insanity, a lot of comic book weddings have had a number of outcomes, from shocking to just plain bizarre. In anticipation of Bruce and Selina’s nuptials, we’ve put together some outcomes that they can hope won’t come to pass, from fisticuffs to doppelgangers. Here are 15 of the CRAZIEST comic book weddings we could find.

15. IRIS MARRIES REVERSE FLASH (ALMOST)

After years of courtship, Barry Allen and Iris West were finally set to be married in The Flash #165, but there was a catch first. Eobard Thawne, aka Professor Zoom, The Reverse Flash, swapped places in time with Barry that morning because he thought he could be a better Flash, while Barry was imprisoned in the future!

Thawne, determined to assimilate Barry’s life, is going to go through with the wedding. But The Flash escapes his future prison and returns to end the ruse, allowing the real Barry to finally marry Iris. Of course, he still manages to be a terrible husband, as it would be one year before Barry would reveal to Iris that he was The Flash (though she found out on their wedding night).

14. CIVIL UNION MEETS CIVIL WAR

The marriage of Black Panther and Storm was a pretty big comic book story for a number of reasons. The courtship between the two seemingly came out of nowhere, though it was retconned to have been a long-standing relationship sometime later. Almost as quickly as the two were paired, they were married in one of the tensest wedding ceremonies ever.

You see, T’challa and Storm held their wedding smack dab in the middle of the original Civil War storyline. Carrying the cover banner Civil War: Ceasefire, both sides of the war were invited as Wakanda was neutral ground. From a story perspective, this allowed things the story wouldn’t normally allow, but the debacle is punctuated with an awkward confrontation between Iron Man and Captain America, resulting in both men storming out before the ceremony.

13. A LETHAL WEDDING NIGHT

Throughout the entirety of DC’s multiverse, few romantic pairings are as constant or as passionate as Oliver Queen and Dinah Lance. A relatively consistent couple, the two have separated on numerous occasions only to find themselves back together. In 2007, after a long period apart and Oliver rediscovering himself as mayor of Star City, the two got engaged to be married.

In Green Arrow/Black Canary Wedding Special, the entire DC Universe showed up for the wedding, both good and bad. A big brouhaha takes place because what better way to commemorate Ollie and Dinah’s wedding? Of course, the day goes awry when Ollie tries to stab Dinah during their honeymoon, and she’s forced to put an arrow through his throat. Fortunately, it turns out it was the metahuman Everyman, and the real Ollie was captured during the wedding ceremony scuffle by Athena and the Amazons.

12. THE BRIDE DISAPPEARS IN A FLASH

When it comes to comics couples who are defined by their love, few are as strongly tied together as Wally West and Linda Park. Their road to marriage was a long one, with Linda nearly dying at the hands of Black Flash when Wally intended to propose, and then with Linda disappearing from the timeline entirely during their wedding.

Linda, it turns out, was plucked from time by Abra Kadabra, and everyone but Bart Allen (being from the future) forgot she had ever existed. Linda was absent for a staggering two years worth of The Flash issues before she escaped Abra Kadabra and Wally found her on an alternate world. The two reunited and were married for a long while, even having a family, but this life was erased by the Flashpoint event.

11. RICK JONES IS SHOT AT HULK’S WEDDING

To describe Betty Ross as “long-suffering” is an injustice. The daughter of the vicious General Thunderbolt Ross and the longtime flame of Bruce Banner, Betty constantly found herself at odds with her father’s quest to kill Bruce’s alter ego, The Hulk. But with Bruce free of the Hulk and Ross believed to have committed suicide, the two finally decided to tie the knot.

Of course, Banner and Betty aren’t allowed to be happy. Thunderbolt Ross returns to the book, disheveled and quite crazy. He attempts to kill everyone rather than let Betty marry Banner. Betty manages to talk him down, but not until after he shoots Rick Jones in the gut. Bruce manages to stabilize Rick, who insists they continue, meaning the wedding photo includes a crazed Thunderbolt Ross and a Rick Jones who is nearly bleeding out.

10. FANTASTIC GATECRASHERS

Of course Reed Richards and Sue Storm had a gala wedding. They are literally the first family of the Marvel Universe, and the long relationship between the two is iconic (even if sometimes Reed was a huge jerk. Okay, a lot of the time.). Running in Fantastic Four Annual #3, it would probably be easier to list who wasn’t there than who was!

Perpetuated by Doctor Doom, roughly every villain of the Marvel Universe turns up to ruin the wedding day. Unfortunately for them, they’ve also invited every hero of the Marvel Universe! Page after page of raucous action takes place, but the nuptials do eventually occur. The book does manage to squeeze in one final gag though, as two party crashers are kept out by Nick Fury: Stan Lee and Jack Kirby.

9. RAVEN OBJECTS

Dick Grayson and Starfire had a strained relationship, to say the least, thanks to Dick’s rising insecurities and an affair with Mirage. On the cusp of also losing the Titans, things aren’t going great for the former Boy Wonder. Realizing how strongly he felt, Dick proposed to Starfire in an effort to win her back and insisted they marry immediately. Naturally, everything fell apart almost instantly.

To start with, Dick’s got a lot going on at this point in his life. The wedding issue, New Titans #100, is also the issue where he finds out Bruce had his back broken by Bane. To compound matters further, the wedding is interrupted by an evil Raven and Dick’s alternate future self, Deathwing. Despite a number of other heroes in attendance, things don’t go well, and Kori is left comatose before the wedding can finish.

8. WONDER WOMAN MARRIES A MONSTER

Want to read a weird comic? Dig up one of Wonder Woman’s Impossible Tales stories, which features an alternate Earth where Diana teams up with herself as a teenager and as an infant! In I Married A Monster, Diana is shrugging off proposals from three suitors: Steve Trevor, Manno, who is a merman, and BirdMan, who is a, uh… bird man. Frustrated with men, Diana flees to Paradise Island, and en route encounters Mr. Monster.

A misogynist prince who turned into a monster on his wedding day, Diana decides to marry him rather than let him feel like an outcast. Then she finds out the truth about his curse: when he does a good deed, he turns into a generic, dreamboat blonde guy. When he does something evil, he becomes Mr. Monster! He doesn’t seem to realize it though and leaves Diana at the altar on account of his monstrous appearance.

7. BATMAN DRUGGED AFTER HIS WEDDING

Batman: Son of the Demon is an odd piece of history. Originally presented as a story outside of continuity, Batman accepts an offer to wed Talia al Ghul at the behest of her father, Ra’s. Talia becomes pregnant, but upon seeing the effect it has on Batman, claims she has miscarried and moves to dissolve their marriage, secretly giving the child up for adoption. And that was that for a long while.

But then Grant Morrison brought the story into continuity in 2006, with Batman and Son. Here, Talia kept the child, Damian, and raised him to be a member of the League of Assassins. Most notably though, is the retcon of Batman and Talia’s wedding night. Canonically, Talia now drugged Batman, conceiving Damian as part of a eugenics experiment. This retcon removed any form of consent from the original encounter, drastically reframing the relationship between the two.

6. DOC OCK MARRIES AUNT MAY(‘S POWER PLANT)

Spidey’s always had a tough life and terrible luck, but early ‘70s Spider-Man had a real rough go of it. Way, way, way back in Amazing Spider-Man #114, Spidey was brained by Aunt May, who it turns out was dating Doctor Octopus! Just a few short issues later, Gwen Stacy was dead, the Spider-Mobile was created and then Aunt May and Doc Ock tried to get married!

Spidey arrived just in time for Hammerhead to intervene, and gave chase to both parties. There’s a big final showdown, and the wedding is naturally called off when Doc Ock seems to die in a nuclear explosion. Nuclear explosion, you ask? Why, the nuclear facility on the Canadian island that Aunt May inherited blew up, of course. And as Doc Ock’s marriage was a sham goal to get the island for himself, the marriage never came up again. Spider-Man comics are weird.

5. LOIS LANE: INVISIBLE BRIDE

After years of courtship, Superman and Lois Lane finally married each other in Death Waits To Kiss The Bride! Given that title and that it’s an issue of Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane, you can guess this isn’t going to end well for somebody, and it’s probably Lois. Sure enough, Superman marries Lois and takes her to Honeymoon Manor, where she wins a “Riffany” heart bracelet that’s a concealed bomb.

Superman is holding the dead Lois when, much to everyone’s surprise, Lois appears! She’s been around since the wedding, but unseen. The day before the “wedding,” Lois was given an anniversary ring that made her invisible to everyone but Superman, who then created a robot duplicate to fake marry so he could prove to Lois that wanting to marry him was a reckless and terrible idea. Even by ‘70s Superman standards, that’s a dick move, Supes.

4. HUMAN TORCH MARRIES A SKRULL

This one’s kinda creepy even without the last-minute twist. The Thing decided to stay behind after Secret Wars so he could have a normal life. In his absence, Johnny Storm found love with his ex, the blind sculptor Alicia Masters. Despite The Thing’s return, Johnny and Alicia stayed together and were wed in Fantastic Four #300.

As if marrying the ex of a guy who is practically your brother wasn’t weird enough, they found out years later Johnny actually married a Skrull, Lyja. She’d been sent to infiltrate the FF, and when Ben didn’t return she moved in on Johnny instead. But she actually fell in love with him, and the two maintained a strained on-again, off-again relationship. As for Alicia, they finally saved her, but she’d been taken before Secret Wars, and as such was still in love with Ben, having no knowledge of her relationship with Johnny.

3. SCARLET WITCH, VISION AND THE TIMEY-WIMEY WEDDING

Vision and Scarlet Witch had a weird relationship so, naturally, they had an even weirder wedding. It begins with Vision saving Wanda from Dormammu, of all people. Through the course of the adventure, they come to realize how deep their love is, and much like others on this list decide they have to get married, immediately.

It’s a tad complicated to do so, given they’re in Limbo, but they’re saved by Immortus. Immortus, at the time, was helping the Avengers contend with Kang, as he tried to break up the union of the spectral form of a being known as Cotati and Mantis. Despite the shenanigans, the two couples are married, but when you remember that Immortus, who preceded the ceremony, is the future version of Kang, who tried to stop the ceremony, your head might just start to spin.

2. ABBY ARCANE AND SWAMP THING TRIP BALLS

How do you marry Swamp Thing? You don’t, really. But he and Abby Arcane found themselves admitting their feelings for each other after Abby’s husband, Matt, was left in a vegetative state. The two shared their own type of private nuptials, but how they consummated the union is what made it so interesting.

See, Abby knew it wasn’t something they could really do. He’s really a plant, after all. But Swamp Thing had a unique solution. He grew a special tuber which he gave Abby to eat. The tuber allowed Abby a brief connection to The Green, and the two spend time in the world as only Swamp Thing could see. Not necessarily a marriage, and certainly not sex in the traditional sense, but definitely one of the weirdest ways a comic character ever consummated their relationship.

1. RICK JONES, HIS WIFE, AND A SKIN FLICK

Rick Jones has the dubious honor of the most entertaining worst wedding in comic book history. It all kicked off the night before when the wedding was back on after being canceled. Marlo’s bachelorette party included a raucous bank robbery at a strip joint, while Rick’s included inadvertently spiked punch and a skin flick that starred Marlo herself!

But the wedding itself is a spectacle to behold. Already with a stunning attendance including the likes of Hulk, Namor, Captain America and Silver Surfer, the wedding is interrupted by guests galore. A number of villains, the Kree, and the Skrulls show up, having somehow got invitations! Everyone is chill and genuinely excited though, except for Mephisto, who claims Marlo’s soul but is shooed off by Hulk. Punctuated by a final hell of a gag including a brush and Death of the Endless, Marlo and Rick’s marriage made for one hell of a story.

Which comic book wedding did you find the nuttiest? Let us know in the comments!

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