In this feature I spotlight particularly outlandish/convoluted comic book plot resolutions.

Today we look at one of Doctor Octopus' oddest plans, where he decided to marry Aunt May to gain certain things she didn't know she had.

Our story begins with Aunt May missing after Gwen Stacy tore her a new one over how much May mollycoddles Peter. Peter, naturally, is worried sick about her. He finally discovers her in Amazing Spider-Man #114 (by Gerry Conway, John Romita and Tony Mortellaro) at Doctor Octopus' house. He thinks she is being held captive. However, she is actually there as part of "Doctor Octopus' ultimate plan."



Spidey freaks out when Doc Ock expresses feelings for May...





At the end of the issue, with Octavius in custody, Aunt May is left to keep his house for him.

Besides a short phone call, we next see her in Amazing Spider-Man #119 (by Gerry Conway, John Romita, Jim Mooney and Tony Mortellaro), where Spidey attempt to deliver a telegram to her at Doc Ock's house, but notices that Octavius' hired goons are on the lookout for a telegram THERE...



Spidey figures discretion is the better part of valor, so he holds on to the telegram and reads it later...



So off to Canada goes Spidey!



At the end of the next issue, after an altercation with the Hulk (which, sadly, due to Spider-Man's lack of werewolf abilities, he did not do that well in), Spidey FINALLY runs into the lawyer...



but just in time for...



Anyhow, things pick up in Amazing Spider-Man #130 (by Conway, Ross Andru and Frank Giacoia), when Doctor Octopus gets out of jail and proceeds to the next part of his plan...





Whatever Doc Ock is up to, his nemesis Hammerhead wants in on it, too, so Hammerhead is trying to find out what Octopus wants with May Parker. Through the intervention of the villainous Jackal, that information ends up in the hands of Spider-Man, who learns something juicy...



He rushes to warn May but arrives too late, she is marrying Doctor Octopus!!



Go to the next page to see what is behind this scheme...

The wedding is interrupted the next issue by Hammerhead's men...



Octopus escapes with May and Spidey hitches a ride. It is now that Spidey lets us in on the plot. Octopus married May because she had inherited something in Canada that he wanted. What was it?





Yes, a freakin NUCLEAR FACILITY! Aunt May inherited a freakin' NUCLEAR FACILITY! Who in the world is Aunt May related to that they left her a Canadian nuclear facility in their will?! To say that this makes no sense would be going too far, it makes less than no sense. It actually makes negative sense. I also like the idea that there was some relative of hers who was somehow older than Aunt May, the oldest person in all of comics.

To recap, Doctor Octopus takes her in as a housekeeper (actually out of the good of his heart, which is an interesting twist). Once there, he comes across a letter from the Canadian lawyer that she inherited a nuclear facility in Canada. He then hides the information, kills the lawyer and then marries her, with the plan to kill her off once they're married so that HE inherits the nuclear facility. That's cuckoo bananas. Especially because it is ABANDONED. Just use it without her ever knowing about it! You're a CRIMINAL! You don't need to inherit it!

Spidey arrives at the island and springs Aunt May, as Hammerhead's men arrive and there is a final showdown...









Now THAT's how you wrap a story up. Just nuke everything.

So anyhow, that's a weird ass plot idea. But come on, I thee Web? That's genius. The whole thing is worth it for "I thee web."

If you have a suggestion for an outlandish, convoluted or outlandishly convoluted comic book plot resolution, drop me a line at bcronin@comicbookresources.com and I might feature it here in the future!