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Actresses! Are You A Wonder Woman Or A Lois Lane?

by  in Comic News, Movie News, TV News Comment

Two of the hottest roles available for actresses right now are based on DC Comics characters – But how do you know if you’re Lois Lane or Wonder Woman? Worry no more, starlets: We’re here to make your decision for you: Just take this easy to answer questionnaire!

1. Are you under 30?

If yes: Go to 2
If no: Go to 18

2. Are you brunette?

If yes: Go to 4
If no: Go to 3

3. Are you willing to dye your hair or wear a wig for the role?

If yes: Go to 4
If no: Go to 18

4. Are you attractive?

If yes: Go to 5
If no: Go to 18

5. Do you read comics?

If yes, I love Iron Man and Spider-Man: Go to 6
If yes, Superman and Batman are my favorites and I really love what Geoff Johns has done for the Green Lantern mythos: Go to 8
If no: Go to 7

6. We hear that Joss Whedon is hiring for the Avengers over at Marvel and wish you the best of luck.

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7. What the hell, if you got this far, you’re hot.

Go to 8

8. Could you convince audience members that you are a strong, independent woman?

If yes: Go to 10
If no: Go to 9

9. Do you have a starring role in a popular television show or have appeared in a medium-level-or-higher successful movie, thereby gaining a level of audience recognition that would supplant the need to appear strong?

(Hereby termed “The Blake Lively clause”)

If yes: Go to 10
If no: Go to 18

10. Would you call yourself a strong woman?

If yes: Go to 11
If no: Go to 18

11. Would you classify your strength as (a) Potentially threatening to alpha-males, and thereby running the risk of being called a “bitch,” or (b) Regal, restrained and potentially attractive to alpha-males?

If (a): Go to 12
If (b): Go to 14

12. Can you successfully convince audience members that your strength was all a facade, put up to protect yourself from the world until a suitable man comes along to do that for you?

If yes: Go to 13
If no: Go to 18

13. Can you look convincing while pretending to type?

If yes: Go to 16
If no: Go to 18

14. Can you successfully convince audience members that your strength is in no way undercut by wearing a revealing outfit patterned around the patriotic colors and iconography of a country other than the one of your origin?

If yes: Go to 15
If no: Go to 18

15. Can you say “Themyscira”?

If yes: Go to 17
If no: Go to 18

16. Congratulations! You could play Superman’s girlfriend, Lois Lane! Now call your agent and tell him/her the good news!

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17. Congratulations! You could play Wonder Woman! Now call your agent and tell him/her the good news!

#End

18. We’re sorry, but Time Warner/DC Entertainment does not have a role in either Wonder Woman or the untitled Superman project available for you at this time. Please resubmit your request when casting opens for Raven at the CW.

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