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Douche Wayne: 15 Times Batman Got Punked Like A Chump

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Douche Wayne: 15 Times Batman Got Punked Like A Chump

Batman is one of the most determined and feared superheroes in the DC universe. Even though he has no superpowers (unless you count being rich), he has faced some of the worst villains, including Darkseid, and even superheroes like Superman, and won! Partly, that’s because of his exceptional physical and mental training, part of that is his keen intellect and the rest is due to his wide range of tools and gadgets. Yet he’s not perfect. In fact, there have been times where he’s been downright pathetic.

RELATED: Super-High: 16 Superheroes Ruined By Drugs

Of course, that’s a rare occurrence. It’s hard to find times when Batman has been anything less than the greatest superhero ever, but we found quite a few. There have been times where Batman was beaten by a villain who should have wiped the floor with him, and there have been times when he was beaten just too easily. There have also been a few moments where he had a hard time fighting someone weaker than his usual adversaries, and a few where he just did something pretty lame. Get ready to see Batman like you’ve never seen before. Check out our list of 15 moments in comics and media where Batman looked like a total wimp.

15. BATMAN VS. KITE-MAN

In 1960, Kite Man first appeared in Batman #133 by Bill Finger, Chris Russell and Dick Sprang. Kite-Man is basically a guy who wears a hang-glider kite to fly and uses trick kites in committing crimes. He’s been a joke villain in recent years, but people forget his first appearance when he actually beat the Dark Knight.

Batman and Robin first met Kite-Man when the villain attacked a party, dropped tear gas bombs, came flying in, stole a ruby and punched Batman on his way out. In case you’re thinking that was a one-off, Kite-Man later used a kite to knock Batman out again and hold him prisoner. Batman managed to escape and has beaten Kite-Man handily ever since, but it’s a loss he’ll never live down. Kite-Man succeeded where many other villains have failed.

14. BATMAN ELECTROCUTED

batman-gets-electrocuted

In 1974’s Brave and the Bold #115 (Bob Haney, Jim Aparo), Batman was on the trail of a kidnapped girl when he found an abandoned building where she was being held. When Batman leaped onto the building, he found out the hard way it was electrified. He ended up getting a shock so bad it left him brain-dead and the Atom had to go into his brain to bring him back to life.

The fact that he fell for an obvious trap is the first problem. The fact that the trap was set by some low-level kidnappers who weren’t seen before or since is the other. They managed to achieve what supervillains like the Joker, Bane and Darkseid tried for decades and never did: kill Batman. Not the Dark Knight’s finest moment, and one we’re sure he’d love to forget.

13. BATMAN VS. DAMIAN WAYNE

Batman vs Robin Damian Wayne attacks Bruce

2015’s Batman vs. Robin lived up to the title. Directed by Jay Oliva, the direct-to-video movie was about Batman’s son Damian (from Talia al Ghul) who had become his new Robin, and he had a very different approach to crime-fighting.

Batman argued with Damian about how to deal with the Court of Owls, a secret organization that tried to organize an attack to seize control of Gotham. Damian sided with Talon (one of their assassins), who felt they needed to kill criminals instead of just locking them up. When Batman tried to stop Talon, Robin fought him. It should have been easy for Batman to beat the child, but when Damian fell off the roof, Batman used his own body to absorb the impact, saving him. Robin used Batman’s love against him, and it worked. }Tt{

12. BATMAN VS NIGHTWING

Batman has always had a rough relationship with his first Robin, Dick Grayson. The two clashed over how they handled crime, and Dick ended up leaving to become his own hero, Nightwing. That hasn’t made things easier for them, and it came to a head with 2014’s Nightwing #30 (Tim Seeley, Tom King, Mikel Janín, Javier Garrón, Jorge Lucas).

At that time, everyone thought Nightwing was dead, and Batman wanted him to stay that way. Batman fought Nightwing under the guise of explaining his rules, and it was a bloody and brutal match. Grayson pounded on Bruce and left his former mentor defeated. It may have been Batman letting Grayson win, but it didn’t look good for the Dark Knight to be left bloody on the floor of his own Batcave.

11. BATMAN VS ICEMAN

batman-slipping-on-iceman

In DC/Marvel All Access, the two comic universes were brought together to deal with the fallout from their earlier merging into the Amalgam universe. Access, a man with the power to bring himself and other objects from one universe to the other, brought superheroes across the dimensions to find out why supervillains from Marvel’s universe were ending up in the DC universe. One hero he ran into was Batman.

When Batman went into the Marvel universe, he went up against the X-Men, who didn’t take kindly to his style of justice. Of course, they got into a fight, and Batman easily handled powerhouses like Cannonball, but Iceman was able to freeze the floor under him and make the hero slip and fall so they could take him out. Batman shouldn’t have been beaten by a slippery floor.

10. BATMAN VS. BRONZE TIGER

bronze-tiger-fights-batman

Batman is supposed to be one of the world’s greatest martial artists who traveled the world learning obscure and powerful techniques to take down any opponent. He spends most of his free time training and honing his body to fight any criminal. That’s why it was a huge shock when Batman was taken down by Bronze Tiger in Detective Comics #485 (Dennis O’Neil, Don Newton).

This was in 1979, just four years after Bronze Tiger was introduced as a deadly kung fu warrior in Richard Dragon, Kung-Fu Fighter #1. He was brainwashed into becoming a member of the League of Assassins and sent to kill Kathy Kane (Batwoman). When Batman tried to stop them, Bronze Tiger hit him with a single blow that sent the Dark Knight to his knees, leaving him unable to stop the League from killing her. It was devastating to lose her, and also to be taken down so easily.

9. JASON VS. BATMOBILE

When Jason Todd first appeared in 1983’s Batman #357 (Gerry Conway, Don Newton), he was the second Robin after Dick Grayson. At first, Jason wasn’t that much different from Dick Grayson – a circus acrobat whose family was killed by a criminal and adopted by Bruce Wayne. DC felt they needed to make him more unique. In 1985, DC created the “Crisis on Infinite Earths,” which erased the existing continuity and revamped characters including Jason.

In the new continuity, Jason Todd was an orphan living on the streets. He wasn’t adopted by Bruce because he felt pity on the death of his parents. Instead, Batman found Jason trying to steal the tires on the Batmobile. It took a lot of guts to try to boost Batman’s ride, but it doesn’t say much about Batman’s security. He should invest in a car alarm.

8. BATMAN SINGS CHRISTMAS CAROLS

batman-singing-christmas-carols

What does Batman do on Christmas Eve? No, that’s not a joke or a riddle. The answer is usually catching some Christmas-themed criminal, but in 1970’s Batman #219, Mike Friedrich and Neal Adams had Batman doing something completely different: sing Christmas carols. In the story, Commissioner Gordon invited Batman over to join the police in singing songs on Christmas Eve. Instead of fighting criminals, Batman decided to spend the night singing with law enforcement.

While he’s singing songs, various crimes go on without him knowing, but some Batman-themed elements keep them from happening. In the end, everything ends well, and he decided he wasn’t needed after all. To see Batman let Gotham City fall apart while he joined a policeman’s choir wasn’t what most people think of the Dark Knight, but it was the season to be jolly.

7. BATMAN VS. POODLE

penguin-and-poodle-lady-batman-returns

In 1992’s Batman Returns, the Dark Knight faced a legion of criminals like the Penguin, Catwoman and the twisted Circus Gang. Batman fought off a hulking strongman, a fire-breathing devil and a whirling gymnast with ease, but it was a little dog that managed to take him.

In one scene, Batman stood at the center of a ring of Circus Gang members, all armed and ready to fight, except for one woman who had a little trained poodle. Batman used a remote-controlled Batarang to fly around and hit each member in turn, none of whom could stop the flying weapon. At least, it seemed like no one could stop it until the poodle jumped up and caught it in mid-air, leaving Batman unarmed and looking pretty silly.

6. BRUCE WAYNE VS. PIMPS

bruce-wayne-fights-year-one

Of course, there was a time when Batman was simply Bruce Wayne, a wealthy socialite secretly traumatized by the death of his parents and driven to fight crime. Those early years were shown in the classic Batman: Year One (Frank Miller, David Mazzucchelli), where we saw Wayne return to Gotham and follow the path to his crime-fighting persona.

In his first attempt to stop crime, he went to a dangerous slum and ended up getting surrounded. Instead of beating them all thoroughly, the man who had trained for years found himself beaten up by pimps and prostitutes, including a pre-Catwoman Selina Kyle. He held his own pretty well, but the fact that he didn’t just wipe them all out wasn’t good. He also ended up getting arrested and had to escape the police. The fight convinced him that he needed to make himself look scary.

5. BATMAN VS. DREDD

batman-knocked-out-by-judge-dredd

In 1991,  Batman/Judge Dredd: Judgement on Gotham (Alan Grant, John Wagner and Simon Bisley) the evil Judge Death transported himself to Gotham City, and Batman was sent to the sprawling metropolis Mega-City One, ruled by officers with the power of judge, jury and executioner. It didn’t take long before he drew the attention of Judge Dredd.

If you were expecting a great fight in the first meeting of Batman and Dredd, you’d be disappointed. Batman tried to be diplomatic, telling Dredd he wouldn’t resist, which made it easy for Dredd to knock him out with one blow of his night stick. Batman, the man who had been trained in martial arts and honed his skill with obsessive dedication, went down like a sack of potatoes. So much for all that training.

4. BAT-BABY

batman-turned-into-bat-baby

What could make Batman look any more like a little-b than being turned into a toddler? In Batman #147 (Bill Finger, Sheldon Moldoff), that’s exactly what happened. In the story, an evil scientist used a ray beam to shrink Batman into a four-year old, although the Dark Knight’s mind and strength remained those of an adult.

The criminals thought they had seen the last of Batman, but he just made himself a smaller costume and became Bat-Baby with the same crime-fighting skill as his adult self. Still, Bat-Baby got tired of not being able to reach the pedals on his Batmobile and managed to track down the scientist so he could use it to reverse the effects. Even as a baby, no one can stop him… but he was a little baby.

3. BATMAN VS. HAL JORDAN

green lantern punches batman

Hal Jordan is one of the most powerful superheroes in the DC universe, the Green Lantern of Earth who uses his power ring to bring his thoughts to life. Ever since his debut, he’s been making giant boxing gloves and giant hands to fight injustice. He hasn’t always gotten along with other superheroes, though, especially fellow Green Lantern Guy Gardner and Batman. One fight was a real doozy, and Jordan didn’t even need his power ring to win it.

In 2005’s Green Lantern: Rebirth #6 (Geoff Johns, Ethan Van Sciver), Batman, Green Lantern and other heroes were fighting the fear entity Parallax when Batman demanded an explanation of what was going on. Hal knocked Batman down with one punch. Not only was it a humiliating defeat, but it won Gardner over forever.

2. BATMAN WET HIMSELF

batman-bladder spasm-wet-himself-in-the-widening-gyre

Kevin Smith has always been a huge comic book fan, and they’ve let him write quite a few comics, but one of his most controversial stories was Batman: The Widening Gyre. Published in 2009 and drawn by Walt Flanagan, the sixth issue included a moment where Batman recalled a famous scene from Batman: Year One with a new and extremely unpopular twist.

In the original scene, Batman used a bomb to blow a hole in a mansion wall and terrorize a group of mobsters having dinner. It was a great moment showing how Batman learned to use terror to control his enemies. In Smith’s version, Batman explained that the explosion caused him to have a “bladder spasm.” In other words, as his partner Baphomet said, he wet his pants. Not what we expect from the Dark Knight.

1. BATMAN VS. BANE

Bane Breaks Batman

First appearing in 1993 in Batman: Vengeance of Bane #1 by Chuck Dixon, Doug Moench and Graham Nolan, Bane was once a nameless prisoner on the island of Santa Prisca serving a life sentence for crimes committed by his father. When he was subjected to an experimental Venom serum, he gained the strength to escape and went to Gotham to take control.

In the epic “Knightfall” story, Bane released all the prisoners in Arkham Asylum and armed them so they could drive Batman to exhaustion rounding them all up. When Batman returned to his mansion, he found Bane waiting. Bane fought Batman, finally breaking his back. It took Batman a long time to build himself back up emotionally and physically, and no one’s left him looking as weak before or since.

What’s Batman’s wimpiest moment? Let us know in the comments!

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